whole day gathering

yesterday's outing is another memorable day....even it is very tired, i enjoyed...I keep telling myself dun think so much, dun keep any hope because u have gf take it as normal. Everything seems like ok until isabel came u automatically approach her n talk, i started to feel y can't we like last time, laugh here n there,playing around. Somemore during dinner u told us that u bought a house n u might not be staying with ur family once the house is ready. What does tat mean? r u planning to get married? i just have a strong feeling tat u might be engaged net year. Even the whole night i control myself  but i really can't stop thinking. Today i wake up n drive out to buy food, i was thinking all the way and asking myself, why did i not knowing u earlier than ur gf, I think we should not meet each other again since every time we met i dun feel good..never meeting each other again might be a good way to solve this problem.

couldn't stop thinking

it had been about 5 days we did not meet....from the 1st day u left i started to feel that i didn't have mood to continue my work , i even didn't dare to work, i know u have a good job now but i couldn't concentrate, my brain just keep thinking of u, yes u asked me focus on my work n study but from the day u said u r gonna resign n all the things that u have been telling me i just couldn't do it. u said it like very easy,it is not easy, all the days we have gone through throughout this year i really couldn't forget, the days that we have laughs,i still remember the 1st day i came to work, i met calvin n bel 1st then followed by u n david. If that day david didn't sacrifice his place to me i wouldn't have become so close, i remembered my first day eating with u guys in star village, u r the one who drove n u were sitting opposite me,looking like didn't really like to talk to me really serious. From that day onward, i was afraid to talk to u or ask u something, the only one that i dare to ask is isabel. Slowly after we get along to each other for some times, we started to have jokes and crazy together. i couldn't forget that  the day we started to get very close is when we chat with each other in skype at home when chin said he is going to resign and we even crazy until went to isabel's bf's house and forced her to come out. The nights when we ot together, we sang songs to cover our feeling of bored for working, all these moments couldn't be deleted that easilylast year u guys had fun time during christmas, this year how can we celebrate?next year peak period  no more singing to cover the bored feeling.All the laughs and jokes started from u, without u i really dunno how to make our office full of laughs. Isabel said 1 colleague left we still can be like last time, how?! ya u can fully utilise ur time with ur new job, u have a good learning environment but things cannot be what u told me,time will slowly take up all the things,i dun even dare to talk with u right now because i know u won't understand how i fell, how many 100 times i tell u u will still give me the same thing, u can't even feel how my feeling is right now. U said relationship will appear unrealisably, how?! u think with my physical body will have ppl proppose to me? even if i become mature also will not have a single person proppose to me..timing? how old am i right now?! in ur mind i'm still young but i'm not young anymore, most of my friends got bf, wait for the timing i need until how long?! 30? 40? by the time i dun need to have my own children anymore.u think like that because u got ur own u sure said until very easy, u didn't even understand how other ppl feel?!

First day without you!

today is the first day u left us after yesterday, really not used to it, when i arrived office, see ur place and then u forgot to bring back your pillow...this is the moment where me n bel started to drop our tears, suddenly less 1 person n ur voice is not there anymore. Even now we dun dare to get the take away rice, we just feel like going out to eat,,,last time we usedto stay in office together to eat but now most of the ppl that we know resigned. we really not used to this kind of environment,,,,all the while is just quiet....i couldn't even sleep...my brain is just all u....

Joel giving Emerene paper flower

when i saw Emerene's post on fb that Joel made her a paper rose flower to cheer her up..i totally feel her sweetness..n this makes me think that he is really a sweet guy even though sometimes he will make fun of u or tease u...he definitely sweet in his other side...i wish i could receive this paper flower from him as well...that is really sweet n cool..i love that...Joel...i want u to make this for me!! God..as i i surrender this relationship in ur hands lord..make ur way Lord because i believe that u will take control of anything, u r unfailing n u never let us down...

tml is the outing day

tml will be our easter camp cell outing...i dunno what will it be like tml...but i just hope it will not make me feel down or disappointed again...i dunn how to describe today's NPMM, i'm really happy that we can combine as a centre n meet again...but what i'm sure that i will not be focus even until the victoria NPMM..because she willbe there....hiaz..today is such a day that even we were separated after NPMM, we bump into each other again...God..is that u that trying to tell me that i'm suppose to reveal my feeling him?? each time when i see him i will like can't control myself

hanging out

we r supposed to hang out last saturday but everyone is busy...plan changed to this week...there's no way she is not coming....in my heart i dun really want her to come but this will not happen...n i'm getting ready that i will come home with sad and emo..dunno wat will happen but everything is in God's hand...pray that i will enjoy much..

dunno what to do

today..he posted in fb asking whether we r able to hang out this weekend...i really dun feel like answering him until he really calls me ..i wanna test this guy's feeling to me. Apparently i've already say yes to potluck on this saturday..i can't say yes to his outing...+ i don't really want to see all of them matching both of them...i know i gonna be super hurt....the only thing i can do is go to the potluck and have fun with OCF Melbourne city ppl..i prefer to do this because at least it will dme feel comfortable..i dunno whether he cares abt me..if he cares he will put me as quite important to attend this outing, he will probably want my attendant..