dunno what to do

today..he posted in fb asking whether we r able to hang out this weekend...i really dun feel like answering him until he really calls me ..i wanna test this guy's feeling to me. Apparently i've already say yes to potluck on this saturday..i can't say yes to his outing...+ i don't really want to see all of them matching both of them...i know i gonna be super hurt....the only thing i can do is go to the potluck and have fun with OCF Melbourne city ppl..i prefer to do this because at least it will dme feel comfortable..i dunno whether he cares abt me..if he cares he will put me as quite important to attend this outing, he will probably want my attendant..

The Joel Withdrawal Symptom

i actually try to control missing you but apparently when i saw u at church on Sunday, the Joel withdrawal symptom comes again. It seems alright to see u at Bridge but when i asked u why are u here u answered me without thinking and said "i come here to visit u lo" i really really touched even by that. I din know why u rocked up to Bridge when u are supposed to be at Planetshakers service. I'm very happy and u made me feel like telling u my true feeling. i dunno whether i'm kind of stupid to have this thought that i want u to come to my graduation, not only waiting me outside before or after the graduation but have the access to go in and attend to witness my Bachelor graduation. God, r u doing something now? i can feel it but is he the person that u provide me with as my partner? i know u will answer me very soon..i still miss the conference days Joel..hope u feel it..shooting this photo without u knowing..lol 

Post Conference

It has been a week since conference. I really really had a great time during the 7 days in Sydney and conference. Even when the conference is over and i'm back to Melbourne, i still miss the days i spent with him and the group during conference. I feel that i missed him more after the conference..this is what he told me in whatapps that i'm having the Joel withdrawal symptom. i admit it because my brain is just full of him. It is really small chance of coincident that we are staying in the same accommodation and the receptionist give them the wrong room which happen to be me n friend's room. God, can you tell me are you doing something between us? Is this the right guy for me? I don't want to get the hope and later gone. My mind just keep telling me that..this guy has something to do with me but..the problem is..he is trying to go after Joanna..i don't know what he is thinking, i don't know what he feels.  During the 7 days i'm happy but at the same time i feel lost.. i'm struggling whether i should tell him but i decided not to because i really don't want to spoil our happy memories. Carina told me to put it to God first, i do..and the thing i have now is depend on him and see how he works it out. On the last day, Pastor Steven's sermon strikes me, God wants him to tell me that i'm doing better what i think i am. God, i hear you,i surrender everything to you and let u work out my relationship with him. i know you will direct me to the right way! I know Joel you are yet to know my feelings to you but i believe God will tell you one day.